Sunday, April 26, 2015

Real messages - Part 1

Because sometimes, you just can't make this stuff up, I decided to intersperse my posts with ACTUAL verbatim messages that I have received on dating sites. So far, I'm only on "OkeeDokee" and "HeyDate"....

I just don't think I can ever understand what goes through some of these people's heads.
There are a few different types of men out there, I'm learning. Slowly.

The over-sharer/one who tries to tell you everything he thinks you'll want to know in the hopes that you'll feel an instant connection/want to blow him:

"Got two older brothers, two step brothers and one baby sister. I like to go shopping, watch movies, go out to dinner, listen to music, watch NFL, watch NBA, love to cuddle, love to text, I'm respectful. I'm a nice and honest person. Love video games. Looking for a relationship. I live at my own house. I will never cheat on u. like movies and music. Love Sex. Want to text babe:)"

I want to add my own judgments and comments here, but I'll just leave it with this: So basically, he's telling me he's a person. Who exists. And doesn't adhere to traditional grammar rules. I know I don't always either, but it's usually for emphasis or to make a point. Also, this "man" is 24. Doesn't warrant a response.

Then there's the....let's call him bold/unconventional...and not really in a good way:

"Hey there! Let me start by saying I am aware of how forward and inappropriate this might be if you're not that open. I'm a (relatively) normal (slightly geeky) professional with the unfortunate juxtaposition of having absolutely no time for dating or getting to know people and an insatiably high sex drive. Since I also have a thing for hooking up with people I don't really know, and because you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, I saw your profile and wanted to see if you'd like to get together today or soon to let loose and have some fun without judgment or strings attached. If you're not, thank you for reading and have a nice day. If you're open minded and don't think it's too socially unacceptable I'd love to get together with you today. What do you think?"

"shot in the dark, have any interest in a submissive guy new in town?"

"hii, would you like to slice me up with a scalpel?"

And then there are the ones who try to start with flattery....not sure what to call this type yet:

"Woaaaaaaah, what a profile and what a figure. I totally don't expect a reply from you, because that can only happen in my dreams!"

"Okay, I'm hooked with the photos, I guess now I'd like to hear(see) her speak :-)" --- Okay I can admit this one isn't TERRIBLE, but he's 10 years my senior (dealbreaker) and not my physical type.

"So I don't want to come across as disrespectful, but honestly you're too beautiful for your own good lol. But straight up no bullshit, I'd love to get to know you sometime. Over coffee, drinks, a pool game or planting a tree I don't care I thought it'd be worth coming by to see if we could get to know each other I am. But before I become your new best black friend, find out your favorite color, ice cream flavor, I wanted to know something. If a guy really wants to be in your life, what's something he should know about you before hand? Like you aren't some kind of crazy cat lady are you? Also where would you travel to if money wasn't an option? - This novel is brought to you by the Reading Rainbow. *que song*"


Open to hearing your comments, if there are any readers out there.

No comments:

Post a Comment